♭
 
The Music of the Spheres                                                              Musica Universalis        
                                  
      
I have to admit, I was very surprised to find out that I was murdered at the end of the first story All That Glitters Is Not Gold. Well, plainly I don’t feel too much the worse despite that unfortunate incident. Obviously, assassination hasn’t stopped me making noise either. So, I know you all feel as I do, when I say it’s nice some things never change. Which reminds me... Not only did I pass into the majority, but my keyboard player and bassist, fresh from the Notorious IT Sessions, sadly, also bit the dust. Also, as if this wasn’t horrible enough, everyone else in the room with me when I got murdered, if I remember correctly, is a little worse for ware too. So where should I begin to explain all this mess? Perhaps at the legendary crossroads haunted by an oracle of doom, or the Hermitage on a sheer face of the Misty Mountains, or, I know, how about somewhere that would be illuminating as to why no one told me I was going to get murdered, when it was me writing the damn story. You might expect some setbacks when you try to put a band together, but I never expected to die while writing about IT. Go figure. I am hoping if I tell the part of the story that comes before that last series of unfortunate events, I will, maybe, get some kind of a warning, or maybe something in writing I could use to avert the impending disaster. But, I think we all know, you can’t count on much from this crew. So full steam ahead, eh? Presently, I’m replacing me crew in Nantucket, and I plans to cast off after a thorough cursing from the local witch. Yes sir mates, me and the Big ol’ Base Man, and the Harp Poonist will turn back the tides of time, and party like its 1999. Oh yeah, and hunt down the LEVIATHAN! I know you’re all saying, ”Count, please save me a place!” Well... No way. Nada. Sorry Charlie, this tub is full, at least until the first waves of hunger hit. But before all that... I would like to observe a moment of noys to pour my gratitude upon the fine musicians whom helped on the IT CD. It was entirely, very mainly, mostly, almost always awesome to make noises which all of ya’ll. I just wish Mr. Kinky and Krush Ah could have survived long enough to see the project to the end, but that would fly in the face of tradition. Therefore, regretfully, their timely demise means I will need to find a new keyboard player and bassist, respectfully and respectively. Of coarse, we all are proud that Mr Kinky has left behind a wretched legacy of overplayed notes, and expensive underclothes for us all to bid on, while Krush Ah (a.k.a. Bent Lee) is only presumed dead, because we’re still waiting on the Munchkin Coroner to get back to us on that one. No point in rushing to contusions. I am really going to miss those guys. So, while we wait on the evidence to be finessed, why not enjoy some refreshments... or a lollipop. Look here comes the Lollipop Guild even as I speak. Mmm, splendid. By the way, please don’t try to help Krush Ah... well, because, you know, uh...it’s not in the script, and you would only be getting in the way of the Munchkin Coroner’s fine work. Now wipe away those tears or else we’ll put leeches on you, and your little dog. Did I mention I am really going to miss those musician type guys? Sadly, nobody has hair like that anymore. The good news is that I have recently hired a Mr. sic Lee and one Mr, Pail to start rehearsals for my latest number one. So prepare to cast off! Let’s sail away. Hoist anchor. I say, brace for impact! I have decided to record a solo album this time around (I know you’re all thinking “the horror”). So, I hope those new musician guys will be with us until it’s time to write the cheques. Knowing the table manners of the LEVIATHAN, I think we can all rest in peace knowing something like that ‘tis bound to ‘appen. Aye, there’s no taste like bone. Anyway, I believe I can count on Mr. Pail to sink to any occasion, but unfortunately, Mr. sic Lee and me might not be on the same page. But don’t worry, I have lotsa’ leeches. But before all that... ‘scuse me while I bring you this important message from our Almost Completely Covert Gov-com Nearly Entirely Invisible Library Total Information Monitors. Attention: Mr. sic Lee is wanted at the bodily fluid circulation desk. Tasting, one, two, three. Tasting. Mr. sic Lee is required to report to circulation. Yo sic, the barbarians are repossessing their autographed copy of Jaws. Yeah, cough it up, Freak. Seeing as you’re shipping out with the Count (Ouch), the late fees were going to cost you an arm and a leg anyway, so they are actually doing you a favor, and none of the pages better be stuck together you scurvy incubus. One Thousand Apologies for the interruption. We now return you to your local Gov-com Programming Stations, and their cerebral scrubbing bubbles. They do all the dirty work so you can pretend you “didn’t know nothin’ ‘bout IT.” Later, the Count../IT/3.htmlshapeimage_1_link_0shapeimage_1_link_1
Da LEVIATHAN - The Woods, S.C. May, 2009
photography - The Invisible Man